but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
