Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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