I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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