The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
