Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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