Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
