R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
