Best friends brother. Beat that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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