I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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