My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Come on in and take your pants off
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