he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
