SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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