One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
