We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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