I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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