We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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