All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
