Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
