On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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