In America we eat man semen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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