i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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