My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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