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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
