i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
