Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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