I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
