Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
