Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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