It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize