"it" just moved
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
