God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he thought i was a dude.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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