we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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