You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
