dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
