I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
