Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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