one might say we're banned from that church
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
