am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
