ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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