The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
