Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
