at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
