dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
