I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize