Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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