his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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