its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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