i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.