I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word