Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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