SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
