he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We just shotgunned beers for America
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do