I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks