I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
