What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize