i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
