i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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