I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
