Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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