I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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