Porn is love you can see.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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