I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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