Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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