Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.