i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.