Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We need to get me chipped asap