so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you