I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
