Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
