I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
