Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
