Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You did what with his pubic hair?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
