Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
