That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
