My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
