I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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